


Little Monster

by Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright



Series: Saphael fics [1]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fix It Fic, I'm trying something different for me..., M/M, POV Raphael, Post season finale, Saphael, Still bad at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright/pseuds/Tiger_Tiger_Burning_Bright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The brown haired boy moved swiftly and stealthy over the institute wall as he watched. He had been waiting for weeks for a glimpse, to know that the boy was safe, that he was happy and yet watching filled him with unease. Every night since that day he'd been restless, finding his way to this spot without thinking, standing, watching from the shadows. The look on the boy’s face as he realised he'd been caught was burnt into his mind, the anger he'd felt at the betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Monster

**Author's Note:**

> So I was listening to "Little Monster" by Royal Bloods the other day and it inspired this. I totally love that song... If you haven't heard it please give it a shot.
> 
> This is my first attempt at Saphael and I guess I wanted to try to write something different to my usual style.

  
_Hey little monster, I got my eye on you_   
_Where are you going, where you running to?_

 

The brown haired boy moved swiftly and stealthy over the institute wall as he watched. He had been waiting for weeks for a glimpse, to know that the boy was safe, that he was happy and yet watching filled him with unease. Every night since that day he'd been restless, finding his way to this spot without thinking, standing, watching from the shadows. The look on the boy’s face as he realised he'd been caught was burnt into his mind, the anger he'd felt at the betrayal. He had known the boy was in love with the redhead. He should have known better.

Lily was the first to broach the subject, the clan had noticed the change in their leader. The clan itself had changed, they needed the boy back. They had agreed without his knowledge that a kill order was too harsh on the fledgling, that he was too young, that he was not strong enough to fight the control of his maker, that their leader had to get their youngest back. It was not weakness, she had told him, to rescind the order, that it would make him seem stronger to the clan if the boy returned. Despite everything, his job as leader was to protect his own. The boy would never know. He would protect him as leader, maybe one day a friend. Nothing more.

He had waited, waited for a sign that the boy would choose his new family over the Shadowhunters, knowing that the boy would have to come to them for forgiveness. It was the only way. He had not expected this, seeing the boy on his own. The redhead nowhere to be seen.

He watched patiently as the boy crept away. He was alone, unprotected and heading the opposite way to the hotel. Where the hell was he going ? His fists were clenched in frustration. How could the boy not realise the danger, or did he just not care ? His duty as leader seemed so unimportant now. He had to stop this.

Following the boy was easy, he wasn't even trying to hide. It was as if he wanted to be found. As he rounded the corner he realised where the boy was going. Camille’s. The anger flowed through his veins acrid and burning.

He surged forward on instinct, grabbing the boy by his jacket and throwing him into an alley. Only when the boy was pinned to the wall did he realise what he had done. It was too late.

The boy looked at him, his eyes wide in terror.

They stared at each other. Time stood still. The boy dropped his head in defeat. Then looking up again stared at him in defiance.

“Do it… I deserve it… Kill me…”

“No” the word hissed from his lips

 

_You say you got nothing,  
So come out and get some_

  
The boy slumped against the wall.

“Why not… I'm a monster” the words were mumbled

“Idiota” He poured his frustration into the word.

The boy looked at him again, eyes clouded with confusion.

“But you said… I betrayed you..”

It was a plea.

“So you run to Camille?”

The defiance was back when the boy looked at him.

“I wanted to make it right. If she dies…I thought…”

He grabbed the boy roughly by the shoulders his hands shaking.

“She would kill you..”

“At least…” The boy blinked “let me try to do the right thing..”

“And die trying…”

The boy nodded.

“I need to come home..I can't…I thought....”

The boy slumped to the ground, curling in on himself.

 

  
_Hey little monster, you know it's all ok  
I'm gonna love you, no matter what you say_

 

His heart broke looking at the boy broken on the floor amongst the rubbish. Nothing else mattered. He would love the boy no matter what. He would love Simon, although Simon would never know.

He crouched down.

“Look at me fledgling… Is that what you want.. Do you want to come home.”

The words were said carefully. The hope within them hidden.

The boy, Simon, looked up.

“I can't … But I want…”

The whispered words catching in his throat.

“I don't belong anywhere else..”

He looked at the boy seriously. Eyes roving over his face as if looking for any trace of doubt.

“There is a way..but you have to be sure..”

The silence was palpable. It was unbearable. Simon always talked, constantly, nothing could stop him. Seeing him like this broke him into a thousand pieces. He couldn't let it show.

He saw the boy’s shoulders straighten as he looked up toward him.

“Tell me.. Whatever it takes… I’ll do it..”

His words firm, his body set in determination. He moved closer meeting the boys stare. He could feel the tension like electricity running over his skin. He pushed it back into his mind.

“A blood oath…of loyalty”

Such simple words, so much meaning.

Simon simply nodded.

“I’ll do it..”

He couldn't bear it anymore. He had to look away. He needed the boy to know the enormity of what he would be doing.

“Simon.” His words were soft “if you do this… You would be mine alone…I don't think that's what you want”

I say run little monster,  
Before you know who I am

He looked at the boy again wiping his expression clear. He was a leader. There was no room for hope, for emotion. He knew, oh how he knew that the boy could not feel this too. It was always the redhead, it would always be the redhead.

The boy looked confused, as if puzzling out some great conundrum.

“Why would you do this for me?”

His voice sounded small. He felt his resolve chipping away, just for a second, a millisecond. It was enough. The boy had seen. He saw it in his eyes, the incredulity. It was too late to take back. He went to push the boy away. Too slow.

The boy flung himself forward. Maybe he could have reacted, moved away in time. In that split second he let himself want. The boys lips crushed into his desire spreading through him like a wildfire. Instinctively he reached for him, crushing him against the wall, their bodies a tangle of grasping hands and hungry mouths.

He had lost himself. Lost in the feeling. He broke free with a cry of frustration, his fist punching into the wall creating a shower of brick dust. The boy leapt away startled. He had promised himself Simon would never know. He had failed.

“Raphael…Raphael… I'm sorry.. I thought… I'm sorry.... I shouldn't… I'm sorry…”

The words echoed around the alley as if mocking him. Laughing at him.

“Leave..” He growled.he had to make him leave before he saw. Before he saw the pupils blown wide, the fangs extended. The things that would betray his heart.

He saw the boy turn to leave. The boy’s back was toward him. He saw his back stiffen as he paused.

“No..” Barely spoken at first, drifting on the wind.

The boy turned to him challenge in his eyes.

“No”

The hiss escaped his lips as he stood facing the boy.

“I won't leave Raphael, I won't. I'm sorry I…..I want… The blood oath… It's what I want.. I need it”

He could see the anger flashing in the boy's eyes. There was something else too. No it couldn't be. He felt the bitterness on his tongue. He could do this. Damn the boy, he Raphael Santiago, was a master of control.

He strode towards the boy ice in his eyes.  
“This is not a game fledgling. You cannot go running off to your little Shadowhunters, doing their bidding against your own. Do you think I'm a fool. That I would be so easily seduced. I protect my family. That is all”

The boy looked at him, open and guileless.

“I did what I did to protect my family. Jocelyn. Not for the Shadowhunters. For Jocelyn. I never…never meant to betray…I fucked up Raphael. I'm sorry but I would help Jocelyn again. I have already lost one family I couldn't lose her as well..”

His eyes were pleading.

“I know you protect me from duty. I know there's nothing more. I’m not a fool, but I missed you… The clan I mean… And I will do what it takes to make it up to you all..I didn't think…”

He looks at the boy through narrowed eyes. Simon looked down.

“I want to be yours Raphael..”

He barely hears the words. He cannot mean that the way it sounds. It is not possible.

“You expect me to believe that you would abandon the redhead if I demanded it of you..”

“I'd kinda hope you wouldn't ask that…but yes if you asked I would…”

The boy looked up through hooded eyes but his gaze was steady.

“You would leave the love of your life… You expect me to believe that…”

The boy was laughing, a bitter sharp laugh.

Raphael raised an eyebrow sardonically

“You find this funny fledgling”

The boy looked him, all laughter gone replaced with a serious expression

“No, it's not funny…not even slightly.” The boy ran his fingers through his hair   
“Clary…she's my best friend..but..ok..so yeah..for years I thought I loved her…but..these last few weeks… I mean the institute…it's not…she's not…I don't belong….I mean I belong with you..umm..I mean the clan..you know… So if …well…there's any way to…umm..make it up to you..umm..all of you I mean…then..yeah..I’ll do it”

The boy is rambling, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. There are hints, signs of the old Simon amongst it. He is infuriating. He is impossible. He is already forgiven.

“Whatever it takes?”   
The answer doesn't matter and yet it does. It does to Raphael. It won't change anything he knows that but still he asks.

The boy stands up tall. He looks at him steadily, unflinchingly.

“Whatever it takes..”

There it is. The boy’s lopsided smile, unsure but there. The smile that has more power than the boy could ever know.

He grasps the boy’s arm roughly. Fingers dig into his biceps.

“Then you must convince the clan”

He knows the clan will forgive him. It is not a question. The boy does not. He feels the tension in the fledgling.

“They will not kill you. I won't allow it.”

The boy nods. He feels him relax a little.

“We shall see if they allow your return..”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I hope that was ok .... I get so nervous about these things lol...
> 
> Seriously any feedback would be gratefully received .... Is this worth continuing?


End file.
